Next Words
by defineLOVELESS
Summary: Whatever I felt for you would fade, whatever tears I shed would be nothing but history and whatever make believe I had would just be a fragment of of the past. Though if you must know, I don't regret loving you. -Mikan
1. Chapter 1

Title: **Goodbye .**

Genre: **Hurt/Comfort . Angst ?**

Note: **This is part 1 of the 2 chapters story. (: I made minor editing, but there might still be mistakes and OOCs.**

Disclaimer : **I do not own Gakuen Alice. It belongs to Higuchi Tachibana sensei. I do however, own the storyline.**

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**Goodbye**

_Because you know perfect endings don't exist and dreams don't come true all the time._

_Written by  
_**DefineL0v3**

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___Congratulation you when you found success._

___Consoling you when you had your heart broken._

___Giving you advice when you need._

___Providing help when you are lost._

___Was that all I ever was to you?_

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___**Dear Natsume**____,_

The girl you loved, the girl you held, the girl you kissed, the girl you twirl around in our school proms.

Why couldn't that girl be me? Even for a few minutes...

I remember sitting at the corner, at our corner at the park. The rain was falling heavily and it camouflaged my crying face. Funny how the sky seems to be crying, too. Like the weather, I was cold and numb to whatever that was around me.

All I knew back then was that you had slapped me, hard in the face. Do you still remember why? I bet you don't. You never really pay much attention to me anyway... which came as a surprise when you asked me about the faded bruises on my arms and legs.

I stuttered out the reason, "Luna and her clique attacked me." Do you still remember staring at me, disbelief in your eyes, before calling her? As you talk, you got more and more agitated, to the point of cursing. You glared at me when you're done, screaming that I was a liar, that I had hurt her instead of the other way round.

Of course, I protested and you slapped me. The pain I've felt from my heart was far more unbearable that the mark you left on my cheek. Hurt and disbelief made me run away, and a slight part of me could not help but foolishly hope that you would chase after me. You didn't.

I bet till now, you still don't believe me... But you know what hurts more?

You started distancing yourself from me... You think I am an embarrassment, a disgrace to you. You mocked me in school, openly embarrassing me... Your messages and emails stopped and we hardly talk anymore.

You joined the "in-crowd" and I belong to the "outcasts".

We can never been seen with each other. It just work this way...

I used to sit by my window, thinking about how happy I was with you, about those times we have. It changed to me sitting there, crying. I would wonder, what had happened between the both of us? Why am I waiting for a person who would never respond to my heart?

I smiled, despite how everything hurts. I was there whenever you need me. I was there when all others weren't... But I never meant anything to you.

I don't regret your best friend.

I don't regret being the victim of criticisms.

I don't regret being the target for pranks.

But most of all, I don't regret loving you.

I don't regret going through the tears, the pain and lastly, writing this letter to you. Maybe because I wanted you to acknowledge my feelings, maybe I wanted you to acknowledge me just this once... I don't really know and frankly, I don't really care.

Because right now, all this would soon be a past. Whatever I felt for you would fade, whatever tears I shed would be nothing but history and whatever make believe I had would just be a fragment of of the past.

I don't know what would your response. Is it shock? Is it nonchalance? I won't be there to see it. In fact, I wouldn't be in Japan anymore. Yes, you saw it right, I would be in Canada by the time you actually read this letter. Not that it would affect you, would it?

Bye, Natsume...

_**Mikan**_

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_Why can't you look at me the way you look at any of your girlfriends?_

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_Goodbye, Natsume._ _I hope you are happy now…_

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_**This is chapter one! Do you like it? Leave me a review please!**_

_**-Elaine**_


	2. Chapter 2

Title:**Apologize**

Genre: **Hurt/Comfort.**

Note: **Grammar is still sucky (: and this was done in a rush... RxR please!**

Disclaimer : **I do not own Gakuen Alice. It belongs to Higuchi Tachibana sensei. I do however, own the storyline.**

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**Apologize**

_Because you know that you were really wrong and wanted to amend, but it is too late for you already lost the one thing you cherish the most._

Written by  
**DefineL0v3**

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_**Dear Mikan...**_

I don't know if this letter would even get to you. Maybe even if it did, you wouldn't even read it.

"Never give up", right? I remember in third grade, I couldn't climb the bloody tree you wanted me to. I keep falling then, but you keep asking me to and I finally succeeded.,,

Do you still remember that incident?

I hope you do... Just like how we use to spend time at the ice-cream parlor right after school... You do remember... Right?

I'm sorry. I never was there for you...

I am sorry... That I had hurt you. That I broke your heart.

I broke up with Luna already... Not that it would matter now, but I just thought... you should know. I don't feel anything for her, I realized. All this time, I was blind to not be able to see you...

I know you probably hate me but I want you to know that... I love you... I love you...

I know I am spoiled, egoistical, conceited, pigheaded, whatever you want to call me... I would do anything for you to scream at me… for you to shout at me… for you to be here again...

I would trade anything... but it's not possible, is it?

I was blind, foolish to not have noticed you. I was stupid to not have tell you what I had felt earlier...

Time and time again, I know you were always the one being bullied and attacked by those girlfriends of mine, but I did nothing and watched you get hurt. Time and time again, I watched you leave me, watched you cry. I always wanted to run after you, hug you, tell you everything is okay...

But I never did... and I regret it...

I know they are all just excuses. Words that meant nothing, words that could never make up to you... I could list millions, but none would get you back. Nothing would ever let me see your smile again...

I feel so stupid, so dumb... How could I not notice the dimming of your smile, how could I not notice the hurt and pain in your eyes? How could I be so blind... How could I be a jerk?

It was foolish and stupid of me to trade you for a bunch of lying and backstabbing friends. You, who was my real friend that had stayed by me…

It's all over now... I had lost myself in the game I thought I would win. I had lost the one person that really cared about me. The one person that really loved me, and not for my looks, popularity and my facade that I put up every single day just to be popular.

I don't know if it would change anything, but I love you.

I love you ever since I met you.

I loved you all this time. I never realized till I saw your letter, till I realized what it meant by having your heart breaking. I never realized how much you meant to me... I never realize...

I don't expect a reply, much less a response to the sudden confession. I don't expect you to still love me, when I clearly hurt you that bad, and when you made it obvious that you won't want to remember me anymore…

I... really don't know what to expect right now. I have no aim, no friends... and I had let the love of my life leave me.

I found the half burnt pile of photos, there was also a box containing all the stuff I gave you…in your front yard…The star necklace... The bracelet... The bear...

It rained... after you left, after you decided to let them burn. The fire was put out, and thankfully, only a small part was burnt... I brought those home...

When you return, I would properly apologize, and maybe confess to you and maybe, I would show them to you.

But for now, I can only hope… And I can only wish that you would come back here and love me the way you did… Impossible, but I can only hope…

Love,

**_Natsume_**

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_I'm sorry for hurting you, Mikan... Is it too late to say I love you?_

_Goodbye Mikan… I hope everything in Canada goes well for you._

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**End.**


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